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Funny Facebook Statuses and Funny Twitter Statuses

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Status Crap is posting other people’s funny, stupid and ridiculous facebook and twitter status updates. Then he’s going to pinch off a turd after lunch. Just copy and paste them from facebook, twitter, etc. It's too much fun!
M------- Sitcom idea: "My name is Hurricane Earl." A hurricane has to apologize to all the folks who's lives it destroyed. With a bad mustache.
2010-09-08 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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M------- You shouldn't swim immediately after eating. Unless you are a shark. Then you should always keep swimming. Otherwise you'll die.
2010-09-08 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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M-- Why is there a homeless guy always offering to open the door at my ATM? Does he think I am going to withdraw quarters?
2010-09-08 - Funny Facebook Statuses - Comments(0)
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A- I still can't yell "Hello Cleveland!" on stage without feeling like I've wandered into the movie Spinal Tap.
2010-09-08 - Funny Facebook Statuses - Comments(0)
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A------------ This whole 'koran burning' thing lost its edge somewhat with the advent of the printing press. Later on I'm deleting 200 copies of bible.pdf
2010-09-08 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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J---------- Topical Storm Earl? Now what am I supposed to do with all these "Hurricane Earl Blew Me" t-shirts?
2010-09-07 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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J---------- Whenever I find out someone has a waterbed I always think, “That’s probably not the only thing you have”.
2010-09-07 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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K-------- They should merge Vegas shows. Then we could have the Blouie Manderson Group.
2010-09-07 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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R--- Mum. Trying to make Julia Roberts happy through food, prayer and love before realising it comes from within. PS. Send condoms.
2010-09-07 - Funny Facebook Statuses - Comments(0)
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B- Ugh I hate airports. The men's bathroom here doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming. Lame.
2010-09-07 - Funny Facebook Statuses - Comments(0)
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R--------- By now, at least one coked-out weirdo has been arrested while wearing nothing but a bluetooth.
2010-09-07 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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R--------- You can get anything at Costco! But the specialty of the house is diabetes.
2010-09-07 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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P--- What comes first being able to Bench 450 pounds or getting a Chiuaua because they seem to go hand and hand
2010-09-07 - Funny Facebook Statuses - Comments(0)
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