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Funny Facebook Statuses and Funny Twitter Statuses

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Status Crap is posting other people’s funny, stupid and ridiculous facebook and twitter status updates. Then he’s going to pinch off a turd after lunch. Just copy and paste them from facebook, twitter, etc. It's too much fun!
Nate chows down on Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream while watching THE BIGGEST LOSER. I like to pretend the contestants can see me eating.
2010-09-02 - Funny Facebook Statuses - Comments(1)
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boburnham i heard that if you sneak into the new twilight movie and blast justin bieber, the combination impregnates everyone.
2010-09-02 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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boburnham I think I figured out the twist! M Night Shyamalan has been dead since 2003 and that's why all his movies suck.
2010-09-02 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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Michael The FedEx guy couldn't handle my sexiness. He wanted me to sign for my package with his dick.
2010-09-02 - Funny Facebook Statuses - Comments(0)
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Doug The name Hogwarts makes me think of a diseased penis.
2010-09-02 - Funny Facebook Statuses - Comments(0)
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jaboud @Wired magazine says the Web is dead. Well, from beyond the grave, its ghost is stealing a s*** ton of my time.
2010-09-02 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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jaboud Must be depressing to be the stock photo model who gets used in a WebMD banner that says "Are You Depressed?"
2010-09-02 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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Jon At what point in my adult life should I stop making sound effects when I grab things off my shelves?
2010-09-01 - Funny Facebook Statuses - Comments(0)
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Caprice Change is inevitable. Unless you need it to feed the parking meter. Then it's nowhere to be found.
2010-09-01 - Funny Facebook Statuses - Comments(0)
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azizansari Entourage Episode Idea 1: E can't get cell service, Turtle gets a bad haircut, Drama has an ingrown toe nail, and Vince eats a banana.
2010-09-01 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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robdelaney I'd rather hold someone's hand while they take a dump than listen to them clip their nails.
2010-09-01 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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Andy In the future, when annoying tourists ask me where Ground Zero is, I'l be able to say "Two blocks from the mosque."
2010-09-01 - Funny Facebook Statuses - Comments(0)
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toddbarry New slogan for walnuts. "Walnuts: just a tiny bit more expensive than you'd think they'd be."
2010-08-31 - Funny Twitter Statuses - Comments(0)
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